Parts of Me
This time for something different. I won't write about a film in particular. I will write about the film characters with which I identify the most and therefore had the biggest impact on me and my self-understanding, so far. These characters helped me figure out myself and understand that I am not alone in this world in the way I feel and think and am. These are the characters that helped me grow and be more confident to expose my thoughts to the world. This article could be seen as a self-introspection. In fact, that's what I am interested in doing in this present moment. Sometimes, it's helpful to be a bit self-centered and think about yourself in order to understand what goes on in your head and what happens in your life. These characters are parts of me.
Frances:
The first character I want to talk about is from one of the films closest to my heart. This character is the awkward and undateable Frances, from Frances Ha (directed by Noah Baumbach), played by the amazing and awesome Greta Gerwig. Frances is a twenty-seven-year-old dancer (sort of) who lives in New York and is trying to figure out how to put herself together and become a "real adult".
All throughout my childhood, I looked up to adults thinking that they were these all-knowing beings that knew how to do anything. I believed that, when you became an adult, you would magically be able to do all the things you need to do in life perfectly. I thought that there was a clear line that would be surpassed and poof we all became responsible adults. I thought everything would become easy and doable. As I near adulthood, I realize that this is nothing more than a childish illusion. I reach the conclusion that nobody has really any idea about what on Earth they are doing. We are all just barely legging it.
Frances Ha is a twenty-something trying to stay on her feet as much as she is able to. She is a dreamer that doesn't really know how to accomplish her dreams. Even though I am still not a twenty-something (a couple of months to go!), I identify with her struggle immensely. The awkwardness of wanting to be independent and responsible and failing miserably is something that I am constantly faced with. "I'm so embarrassed. I'm not a real person yet", says Frances. She's like a child in an adult's body, forced to act like one, and that's exactly how I feel all the time - and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. She helped me understand that it's not me that is at fault. I am not a "real person" yet, and that's not a problem, because "real people" are no more real than Thestrals.
I will elaborate more on this amazing character and film in a future article so I will finish this here.
And yes, I'm also completely undateable - winky face emoji.
Charlotte:
The second character I want to talk about is Charlotte, from Lost in Translation (directed by Sofia Coppola), played by Scarlett Johansson, which I have already written about in a previous article. What interests me the most about this character is Charlotte's struggle with her questions about what to do with her life.
I watched this film for the first time in a moment in my life when I felt stuck, like Charlotte. There were so many choices and none at the same time. I spent my time brooding, wondering about life, like Charlotte. I was paralyzed. This character helped set me free. Seeing someone struggle with the same dilemmas as I helped me solve them. At the end of Lost in Translation, Charlotte is ready to take on half the world, and seeing that image of her disappearing into the crowd, gave me confidence that I can also take on half the world with what I am passionate about. In a way, I think this feeling won't ever go away completely because will always be complex and confusing.
But characters (and films) like this help ease the "boredom of life".
Russell:
The third character is Russell, from Weekend (directed by Andrew Haigh), played amazingly by Tom Cullen.
In a recent Netflix comedy special, titled Nanette, Hannah Gadsby talked about when she started realizing that she was "a little bit lesbian". She talked about the first time she saw a Gay Pride event. While watching, she wondered "Where are all the quiet gays?". This is exactly the question I made myself when I started realizing that I am "a little bit gay". I saw on TV and movies and plays representations of LGBTQ people that were always extremely extroverted and always wore lavish and stylish clothing. So, I wondered, if I come out, will I have to start acting like these gay people that I see on social media? Will I have to start to be extroverted and will I have to start wearing colorful clothes? Is this what being gay is all about?
Russell was the first introverted gay character that I saw in a film. He's a brooding and contained character that has none of those gay stereotypes. He was the first gay character that I ever identified with. He's not a happy gay and I am not a happy gay. He doesn't want to show-off his sexuality and I don't want to show-off mine. Homosexuality is and isn't central to his identity and character. Our sexuality is one of the most complex parts of what we are. It is central in our life, yet it's not what defines us. It is not central to our identity, but it is central to deal with it - does this make any sense? So, why are gay people forced to make it more central to their character than it is?
Above all, Russell showed me that you don't have to be extroverted and flaunt your sexuality in order to be proud. You can be a proud gay and be quiet about it. Until today, he is the gay character that I identify with the most, and one of the most important film characters in my life. He is probably the character in the history of cinema that I can say "that's me" the most.
Simon:
The fourth character I want to talk about is Simon, from Love, Simon (directed by Greg Berlanti), played by Nick Robinson. I have said basically everything about this character in a previous article so I won't elaborate much here. I'll just add to what I said.
Simon is also a non-stereotypical gay character and he was extremely important to me because I was able to see a fictional character going through the process of coming out in a realistic way at the same time as I am going through that same process. It made me see that I wasn't alone in what I was feeling and thinking. This character helped me understand so much about myself, and he made everything so much easier because I felt I was no longer alone with my insecurities.
Characters like this are why diversity in art is important.
Mia and Sebastian:
The final character is actually two: Mia and Sebastian from La La Land (directed by Damien Chazelle), portrayed by Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling, respectively. I can see myself in both these characters.
I identify with Sebastian's passionate nature towards what he loves - for him, music; for me, cinema. People always comment on how passionate I am when I talk about movies, and Sebastian is extremely passionate when talking about Jazz and is even able to convince Mia to like the genre.
I can also relate to Mia's character. Mia has big dreams, yet is extremely insecure about her talent and abilities. she doesn't believe that she's good enough, even though she is. I see myself mirrored in this. I never think that what I write is good enough. For me, it's always mediocre and I always think I'll never amount to anything because, as Mia says, maybe, I am not good enough.
I am a mixture of both characters, I guess. A passionate and insecure dreamer.
There are so many characters that helped me and that I relate to. This is a hard task. In fact, there's a piece of us all in every character ever written, from Ulysses to Lady Bird. It's almost a herculean task to write about how these characters affect you and, by extension, to write about yourself. This is not easy. But these characters make figuring myself out much easier. I hope you also have fictional characters that have helped you understand yourself better. Art is what makes life bearable. This is one of the reasons why.
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